How are we managing this novel and unprecedented time?
I can tell you that for someone who needs productivity to feel sane, I am definitely struggling. One would think working from home would be the perfect solution. However, I am finding it takes SO much longer to get things done that they did before. Internet is moving slowly, VPNs are overloaded, and my inbox is going to explode.
I have removed all notifications of any email from my computer and my phone. If I do not see it, I do not see it, and that is too bad. Although I appreciate the communication from everyone, we are all aware of the fact that if you send too many emails, people stop reading. I urge everyone to be mindful and careful about what needs to be emailed right this second and what can wait.
I have meetings all day every day. I have the same exact conversations with all of my supervisors and advisors. Yes, I appreciate your concern. Yes, I appreciate you opening the space to process. Also, I have done this about 7 times already. So, forgive me if I all I say when you “how’s it's going,” is…. “it’s going.”
Managing my own self-care and anxiety while being the most effective therapist I can to all of my clients is an adventure. Not even counting adding being a supportive and engaged friend, family member, etc. to everyone else. When trying to think about the long term and determine how to be as prepared as one can, I now have to think about the fact that I could be telehealth through the end of my internship year in June. (hopefully, it does not take that long, but it is a possibility).
There is a sense of loss that I feel knowing that I may not be ending therapeutic relationships in the way that I imagined. The teenagers I work with are grieving not having their graduations, proms, and other senior events. The young children I work with are trying to understand why they can not go see their grandparents or their favorite teachers. Of course, facetime and Zoom helps, but it does not replace the real thing. Friends of mine are grieving canceling their graduations and weddings. I had to cancel a trip to defend my doctoral paper (dissertation), something I have been working on for a long time and will not get the closure I imagined I would.
Going a step further, I have friends and family who are grieving the loss of their loved ones through FaceTime, which just seems devasting. It also makes me wonder if I am going to have to do the same at some point at the rate that this is going.
If I am quite honest, I am angry. I do not understand why this is happening, and I do not think it ever will. We all literally will meet the criteria for an Adjustment Disorder, and I hope this passes as fast as it came.
Sometimes I wonder if I am cursed because this Internship year has been ridiculous. Let me break it down for you:
June – moved to a new city by myself and adjusting to a new culture and new place.
July – floods in the city that trapped my colleagues and me on the 7th floor of our building for 6 hours
July – evacuated the city (bought a plane ticket and was on the plane within 1 one hour) for “Hurricane Barry.”
July to Oct – constant paranoia due to Hurricane season and other random flash floods
Oct – Hard Rock Hotel collapsed, killing 3 people and injuring 18 others. (the bodies are still in the hotel) They blew up the cranes, which did not work, and you can still see and walk past it ruin every day.
Feb – two people died being run over by Mardi Gras floats another two people were injured falling off of floats and severe weather canceled some parades. I was at both parades and was behind a large group that almost got run over by a float in a parade and was two blocks from the site where the first woman was run over. Also, a child was shot during Mardi Gras morning.
Mar – CORONAVIRUS
So, when I tell you my internship year is so far nothing like I expected it to be, I mean it. I am being challenged mentally and physically. Freeing up space to process and be available for clients is hard and intentional work. I am also being intentional about getting outside and going for walks. Sitting down at the computer in meetings all day is not how I typically spend my time. Since, I work with children I am using to being up and down, running around, and jumping or dancing with my clients. I have had to be intentional about this as well since we know how much our physical health can affect our mental health.
Ultimately, we are all doing the best we can to support each other and keeping pushing through the day. One day at a time. However, it is also essential to acknowledge that this is NOT normal, and we do not have to keep moving through our work weeks as if it is normal. I am thankful for the virtual support and hangouts I have with my friends. I also plan to continue to use vacation days and sick days during this “work from home” time because this is for the birds.
To feed my productive side, I am also researching ways to support Asian businesses and engage in some version of advocacy and social justice work. So, if anyone knows of any ways to get involved, please let me know, but know that I probably will not respond to your email for a while.
Take Care ya’ll. Wash your hands, do not touch your face. Stay at home. #nohouseparties